—Heb 12:15 Amplified
How do people become bitter?
Bitterness comes from unmet expectations, past hurt, continuous injustice, breach of trust, slander, violations against the human soul such as broken boundaries, and other people who are bitter. Bitterness or resentment will cause you to fail to secure God's grace! God's grace in this scripture is charis: favor, goodwill, loving-kindness, and mercy of God. We need to sow mercy (undeserved love) into others so we can reap it in ours. Please read over Hebrews 12:15 carefully. Bitterness will cause us to live in torment and becomes a spiritual contamination in your life that contaminates others. Everywhere we go it will cause trouble. We won't be able to get along with others because if we feel they touch us wrong we will overreact because bitterness is a festering wound. Imagine a wound with pus coming out of it. That's what bitterness looks like in the spirit. Let's look at this word defile it means to: to dye with another color, to stain, pollute, and to defile with sins. As God's bride, our wedding dress needs to be without stain. When other people are bitter it is our responsibility to guard our hearts and keep ourselves without stain. Let's see how we can become bitter or defiled.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:30-32
Like I mentioned before bitterness can come from other people. The number one way to get contaminated by bitterness is evil speaking. When I looked up the word "evil speaking" in the Greek it is the word blasphemia which means injurious speech, slander, impious and reproachful speech. In today's terminology, abusive speech or reviling is the number one way to become resentful. Deep resentment or bitterness is also the root of anger (violent emotion), clamor (loud and confused noise especially that of people shouting in an intense manner) wrath (inflaming wine which either drives the drinker mad or kills him with its strength)!
The Nature of Bitterness
Bitterness is a weed that springs forth from the heart continuously wanting to be watered by new offenses, and new people. Unfortunately, this weed is a blind spot in many people's lives. It is often hard to see because it tends to live in the minds, and hearts of those who have harbored a grudge. They nurse it continuously in their conversations by repeating the matter in their minds. Soon this weed starts to affect the personality of the person making them cynical, sarcastic, suspicious, critical, negative and having a sour attitude. They also eventually become hardened, unresponsive to God, alienating them from people until they find themselves alone. Bitterness is a stronghold caused by thoughts that slither around in the minds of the offended making them get lost in their darkened thoughts for vengeance or retaliation. Like I mentioned before bitterness can come from other people. The number one way to get contaminated by bitterness is evil speaking. When I looked up the word "evil speaking" in the Greek it is the word blasphemia which means injurious speech, slander, impious and reproachful speech. In today's terminology, abusive speech or reviling is the number one way to become resentful. Deep resentment or bitterness is also the root of anger (violent emotion), clamor (loud and confused noise especially that of people shouting in an intense manner) wrath (inflaming wine which either drives the drinker mad or kills him with its strength)!
The devil is never content to keep his misery to himself. He likes to destroy the purity of our heart by filling it with anger, resentment, violence, and lust. He hates the purity in children. That's why he works so hard to destroy the innocence of children by trying to expose them to drugs, alcohol, evil speaking(music), violent content, and pornography. It's our job as parents or guardians to guard their hearts by guarding ours. The devil wants us to stay in the sin of resentment or bitterness so he can dwell with us. "Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26) This word "place" means opportunity and power as well as habitation. When we stay in the sin of bitterness or resentment we have rented out space to the devil in our minds and hearts. When we don't forgive it grieves the Holy Spirit. God's word exhorts us to "forgive one another as Christ forgave you." Before the sun goes down every day we should make it a habit to forgive and let go of bitterness.
The Nature of Bitterness
It often punishes others for the mistakes of someone who had committed the wrong. That includes not helping others when being asked for help or being grudging about giving of themselves. You can tell someone is bitter by the way they bring up those who have offended them. They blame the person for what is happening in their life now and slander them behind their backs. They displace the anger they feel onto people who remind them of the offender. They assume that everyone will treat them the same way, and never give that person a chance to prove themselves. They recreate the offense to prove to themselves that they have every right to be angry thus keeping bitterness alive in their hearts. Bitterness gives them a sense of entitlement to hurt others just like they have been hurt. They often make excuses for mistreating others. Love and compassion are non-existent in the place of bitterness. They cannot co-exist. People that are bitter are often critical, judgmental, over-sensitive, and find it hard to be kind to others. After all, everyone is out to hurt, offend or disappoint them. Some times the person sulks in long periods of self-pity citing every offense as a reason for their present woes.
Unforgiveness has very similar aspects to bitterness. However, bitterness tends to mask its true feelings behind flattery, a fake smile, and hidden hostility. Unforgiveness makes a solid decision to blacklist the person and move onto other things. Bitterness spreads like cancer polluting the waters of that person's spirit. Eventually, they vomit up the bitter waters of their soul in their conversations defiling the hearers, and sowing discord wherever they go. This is especially dangerous if you are sitting under someone who is bitter, and ministers out of a place of bitterness. You can be sure that they will continually bring up past events, and offenders to justify present actions. The focus is continually on those who are offending them, and never on their own character flaws. If perchance that person gets others to take on the offense; division, and strife ensue. The root of bitterness is pride. It can not get past the fact that someone actually rejected them, offended them, hurt them, corrected them or moved on in their lives.
Bitterness is like a tea bag it seeps in the hot water of every conceivable imagination, and lie inspired by hell. Soon, those who are bitter start to become paranoid, suspicious, and find fault in others. You will often see these people either writing blogs or making videos of other ministers they believe are part of the great conspiracy against all Christians or heavily involved in finding secret government plots. They become known for all kinds of conspiracy theories and often will run from any submission to authority. Their hurt drives them from any commitment or intimate friendship with anyone. I'm not trying to make a blanket statement here, just understand there are various degrees to unforgiveness, and bitterness is its fruit.
If any of this has any striking similarities then understand that most everyone you know has been hurt at one time or the other including Jesus. We can't stay in that hurt and live there. My friends, if you recognized any of these behaviors please realize that we have no right to stay in the sin of unforgiveness or keep a record of wrongs against us. We are not to be "conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); rude (unmannerly) and acting unbecomingly. We do not insist on our own rights or our own way, we are not to be self-seeking; touchy or fretful or resentful; we should not take account of the evil done to us [or pay attention to a suffered wrong.]" (1 Corinthians 13:5) Amp. my version
Perhaps you know someone like that then here is my advice: Bind the lying spirit that continues to whisper in their ear, and ask God to loose their will from every evil spirit that is controlling them either emotionally or mentally. No one can really free a person from this unless they are willing to let go of it.
Why you should let go of bitterness
1. You will actually not be able to move on or grow up spiritually if you don't let go of offenses, hurt and unforgiveness. It will actually keep you in a backslidden state.
2. Your prayers will be hindered. You will cease to walk in favor.
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25-26)
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
3. We can not embrace our future if we stay in the past.
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14
4. We give power to the person to continually hurt us by repeating the matter over and over again in our hearts. We also give our power and authority over to the devil to keep us in bondage to him. It becomes a chain around our necks.
5. We are not hurting the person that hurts us. We are actually hurting any chance of having a healthy, and happy relationship in the future.
6. We need to realize that most people deserved to be judged but that is something God decides not us. We also need to understand that we also deserve to be judged but God mercy on us.
For we know Him Who said, Vengeance is Mine [retribution and the meting out of full justice rest with Me]; I will repay [I will exact the compensation], says the Lord. And again, The Lord will judge and determine and solve and settle the cause and the cases of His people. Hebrews 10:30 Amp.
7. Jesus said, that if we want to be forgiven then that same privilege must be extended to others.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors.
14 For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.
(Matthew 6:12, 14-15)
8. Retaliation or passive aggression is the same as taking vengeance. God knows our hearts, and this behavior is not from God.
Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. (Romans 12:17-18)
9. Letting go of the seed of anger when you are initially offended or hurt. We can not afford to give the devil a foothold into the door of our life. It actually gives the devil the right to torment us. See the parable of the unforgiving servant in (Matthew 18:21-35)
10. The only way to overcome evil is to do good to those who hurt us.
Therefore
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:20-21)
Getting Free From Bitterness or Unforgiveness:
1. Please realize that no one "owes" you anything. This would make them debtors and Jesus called us to forgive our "debtors." People don't owe us anything because they are not our source. When we make other people our source we make them idols in our lives. People were never meant to be the source of our peace, acceptance, love, joy, and approval. That goes against our original design. When we make other people our source we give over our power to them. Then they decide for us when we should be happy, have peace, feel loved, feel adequate, feel secure and know our worth. In essence, this is the root of all codependent behavior. It stems from a mindset of entitlement or feeling like people "owe" us.
2. Pray for those who have hurt you. This is a kingdom secret! This will cultivate the ground of your heart and make you ready to truly release the person from your heart. At first, you may not feel like it but do it in faith and your heart will follow.
But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)
3. Ask God, by the Holy Spirit, to search your heart and reveal hidden hurts or resentments that may be buried.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)
4. Forgiveness is an act of our will. Ask God for the grace to help you do this task and then make a list of people who have hurt you and talk to God about what they did.
For example, you can pray the following:
I forgive _________for____________ and I release them to you. I refuse to bring this up anymore or think about it. I shall not repeat the matter or rehearse it in my mind or heart. Do this until all feelings of hurt are gone.
Here is a checklist of possible people you need to forgive:
1. Parents
2. Siblings
3. Ministers
4. Yourself
5. Abusers
6. People who have used you.
7. Employers
8. Friends
9. Children
10. Other family members
11. Strangers
12. God
4. After we have prayed and forgiven them we must be willing to destroy the mental and emotional records of those who have hurt us.
5. We must be willing to go to that person and make things right in person. We are not responsible for the response of others.
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)
Special Note: Some people are best left alone if they are holding a grudge against you, and will not relent in their abusive behavior towards you. Just stay away. Forgive, forget, and pray for them at a distance. It is not necessary to stay in relationships that are toxic to prove you forgave them. Also, forgiveness does not mean self-martyrdom which means you continue to allow them to hurt you to prove you are good Christian. Even Jesus knew when to keep his distance from vindictive religious folks.
If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage please read:
When to Leave An Abusive Relationship If you find this article helpful or would like to donate to our ministry please do so on our home page by visiting our website:
Jaziz Gutierrez
Official Website: https://www.jazizgutierrez.com/
Facebook: School Of Impartation and Living
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYxASZLjwhGePvTG27ZRKAg
8. Retaliation or passive aggression is the same as taking vengeance. God knows our hearts, and this behavior is not from God.
Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. (Romans 12:17-18)
9. Letting go of the seed of anger when you are initially offended or hurt. We can not afford to give the devil a foothold into the door of our life. It actually gives the devil the right to torment us. See the parable of the unforgiving servant in (Matthew 18:21-35)
10. The only way to overcome evil is to do good to those who hurt us.
Therefore
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:20-21)
Getting Free From Bitterness or Unforgiveness:
1. Please realize that no one "owes" you anything. This would make them debtors and Jesus called us to forgive our "debtors." People don't owe us anything because they are not our source. When we make other people our source we make them idols in our lives. People were never meant to be the source of our peace, acceptance, love, joy, and approval. That goes against our original design. When we make other people our source we give over our power to them. Then they decide for us when we should be happy, have peace, feel loved, feel adequate, feel secure and know our worth. In essence, this is the root of all codependent behavior. It stems from a mindset of entitlement or feeling like people "owe" us.
2. Pray for those who have hurt you. This is a kingdom secret! This will cultivate the ground of your heart and make you ready to truly release the person from your heart. At first, you may not feel like it but do it in faith and your heart will follow.
But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)
3. Ask God, by the Holy Spirit, to search your heart and reveal hidden hurts or resentments that may be buried.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)
4. Forgiveness is an act of our will. Ask God for the grace to help you do this task and then make a list of people who have hurt you and talk to God about what they did.
For example, you can pray the following:
I forgive _________for____________ and I release them to you. I refuse to bring this up anymore or think about it. I shall not repeat the matter or rehearse it in my mind or heart. Do this until all feelings of hurt are gone.
Here is a checklist of possible people you need to forgive:
1. Parents
2. Siblings
3. Ministers
4. Yourself
5. Abusers
6. People who have used you.
7. Employers
8. Friends
9. Children
10. Other family members
11. Strangers
12. God
4. After we have prayed and forgiven them we must be willing to destroy the mental and emotional records of those who have hurt us.
5. We must be willing to go to that person and make things right in person. We are not responsible for the response of others.
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)
Special Note: Some people are best left alone if they are holding a grudge against you, and will not relent in their abusive behavior towards you. Just stay away. Forgive, forget, and pray for them at a distance. It is not necessary to stay in relationships that are toxic to prove you forgave them. Also, forgiveness does not mean self-martyrdom which means you continue to allow them to hurt you to prove you are good Christian. Even Jesus knew when to keep his distance from vindictive religious folks.
If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage please read:
When to Leave An Abusive Relationship If you find this article helpful or would like to donate to our ministry please do so on our home page by visiting our website:
Jaziz Gutierrez
Official Website: https://www.jazizgutierrez.com/
Facebook: School Of Impartation and Living
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYxASZLjwhGePvTG27ZRKAg
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