Breaking Free from Codependency: Being Authentic

 

Codependency is a complex and often misunderstood concept. It's a relationship dynamic where one person sacrifices their own needs and desires to meet the needs of another. This dynamic is often seen in relationships where one person is an addict but can also occur in any type of relationship.

The sad thing about addiction and codependency is that they don't allow you to be authentic. Addiction is self-absorbed and it alters your personality. Codependency always tries to please others at the cost of being true to your dreams and aspirations. Addiction destroys our dreams and codependency forfeits them to make others happy. Either way, our identity is lost in both of these situations.

As long as we keep striving to make things happen on our own, we will never be able to break the cycle, be our true authentic selves, and fulfill our God-given destiny.
So, how can we break free from this cycle of codependency?

Recognize the Problem

The first step to breaking free from codependency is recognizing that there's a problem. This can, be difficult as codependency is often rooted in our fear of rejection and our need for acceptance.
Understand the Role of Fear
Codependency is rooted in the fear of man. Not being afraid of people but rather trying to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness, personal goals, dreams, and etc. When we aim at pleasing others instead of God, we make them our idols and yield our control over to them because of our own fears.

Trusting in God

Trust in God is not just about belief, but also about hope. It's about having faith that God will guide us, even in our darkest moments. When we trust in God, we are blessed and filled with hope. This trust is not passive, but active. It's about believing that God exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. When we aim at pleasing others instead of God, we make them our idols and yield our control over to them because of our own fears. By placing our trust in God, we can break free from the cycle of codependency and live a life that is true to our authentic selves.

Let Go and Let God

There's a misery to playing God in other people's lives. First, you can never get it right. You don't really know how to meet the deepest need of the human heart. That's when you choose either to allow God to step in or continue doing a lousy job playing his role. You need to step down so he can step in. This is the famous let go and let God thing everyone talks about. This is breaking codependency. You step down from your position of being God and trust Him to do his job.

Being Authentic

Breaking free from codependency means being authentic and transparent. It means letting go of the need to please others and instead focusing on pleasing God and fulfilling your own dreams and aspirations.

In conclusion, breaking free from codependency is a journey. It's a journey of self-discovery, of letting go, and of embracing your true authentic self. It's a journey that requires courage, faith, and a lot of self-love. But it's a journey worth taking.

Prayer

Father, we humbly ask you that you help us trust you and surrender the ones that we love to you. You are God and we are not. We don't know what is best for them and we can't fix them. We are going to stop compromising just to keep them happy. We command all fear of losing control to leave us now in Jesus' name! All anxiety and fear of the unknown to go in Jesus' name! We thank you now that you will take care of all our concerns the moment we let go and let you do your job.

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Sobriety vs. Abstinence: A Spiritual Perspective

Introduction

In today's post, we'll explore the profound difference between abstinence and true recovery or sobriety, especially from a Christian perspective. Understanding this distinction is crucial for anyone grappling with addiction, as it can mean the difference between a life of struggle and a life of freedom.

Key Verse

But each one is tempted when he is dragged away, enticed, and baited [to commit sin] by his own [worldly] desire (lust, passion). James 1:14

Heavenly Father, we humbly approach Your throne of grace, seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance and strength as we delve into the topics of abstinence, recovery, and true sobriety. We earnestly ask for Your divine wisdom to understand these critical issues and for the strength to commit and dedicate ourselves to the path of recovery. Amen.

The Surface-Level Solution: Abstinence

Abstinence is part of the recovery process. It involves refraining from substance abuse due to negative consequences like incarceration, health issues, loss of income, or strained family relationships.

Those who abstain might still harbor thoughts of returning to their old ways. They often fantasize about going back to what they perceive as a better life. Many times abstinence causes people to be unhappy in their sobriety. Consequently, some individuals transform into what is referred to as "dry drunks," wherein their attitudes and behaviors remain unchanged. These individuals tend to exhibit anger and vent their frustrations onto others, displaying a markedly low tolerance for stressors. Unfortunately, they have yet to acquire the essential healthy coping mechanisms that accompany the process of recovery, and they have yet to address the underlying causes that led to their drinking or substance use.

The Pitfall of Relapse in Abstinence

The pitfall in abstinence during the recovery process is that willpower can only last so long. You try to convince yourself that you do not want to do it and even tell everyone else that you are done but if you at the wrong place with the wrong people you find yourself giving in. This is why having someone you can call in a time of weakness is so important. In the recovery world, we call them sponsors. Sadly, in the realm of abstinence, relapse is often seen as a total failure, leading to a return to active addiction. This can result in overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and even hopelessness. We need to remember that Jesus is the one that gets us over the finish line, not us. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 Shame may cause you to believe that your struggle with addiction is your identity. It is not your identity it is only your struggle to surrender something that you still think you want deep down inside.

Whatever you do, don’t hide from God run to him.
The Lord is near to the heartbroken And He saves those who are crushed in spirit (contrite in heart, truly sorry for their sin) Psalm 34:18

The Deeper Solution: Recovery and Sobriety

In sobriety, there's an immediate return to accountability. Humility and surrender are keys in all recovery scenarios. This often involves soul searching to eliminate the cause of relapse, taking inventory, and making amends with loved ones. Abstinence is a necessary step for recovery, but true recovery involves a change in how you perceive addiction.

In recovery, you see addiction not as a lost friend whose enjoyment you miss, but as a harmful, life-threatening enemy. You take proactive steps, deepening your love for God, practicing a reverential fear of God, and being thankful for everything He has given you. You make meaningful relationships with other people active in their recovery.

The Joy of True Sobriety

In true sobriety, you do what's necessary to have true contentment and joy. You change what you find joy in. Instead of yearning for what harms you, you hate those former vices, properly assessing them as having devastating consequences and destroying your cherished relationships.

The Importance of Motive and Community

It's essential to deeply consider your heart's desire for true recovery and a renewed life. What is the "why" behind your life? Are you only seeking sobriety because you have run out of options or because you feel forced into it? You need to want to leave behind everything and everyone to follow Christ. A recovery program is effective only if you are committed to it. Like they say, it only works if you are working it.

A Final Warning

If you struggle with addiction, please take it very seriously. Understand that it is a killer, not only of lives but also of families. It too often causes subsequent generations to follow in your footsteps. Oftentimes you hear about recovering addicts burying their children who followed their parents' example. You don't want this to be your story. Take courage and please remember that everyone's recovery process is unique, so find something that works for you. Don't hesitate, as waiting might mean it's too late.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we earnestly seek Your guidance in applying the lessons we've learned today about abstinence, recovery, and true sobriety. We ask for Your divine help in application and for the strength to resist the temptations of evil spirits that lure us back to destruction. We bind their operation over our minds, will, and emotions in Jesus' name! We command their influence to let go of us and for the Holy Spirit to empower us for victorious living. May we live lives blessed by these truths and be free from the lies that bind us. In Jesus' name Amen.

Written by Jaziz Gutierrez

All Rights Reserved 08/28/23

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