Years ago after becoming a new Christian, I found myself in a very precarious situation. I had followed some of my friends into a church that by all appearances seemed like a normal everyday Christian church but behind closed doors, it started to become very controlling towards its members. The leadership was on fire. We were there every day pressing in, hitting the streets, and we were all very close to each other. Most of us had come out of another failed ministry in which the leader had gotten involved in an immoral affair with another member. We were ready to continue to seek God with all of our hearts under strong leadership.At first glance, the small changes or requests from leadership were not noticeable. They wanted us to be more committed to being at church. Ok, no big deal. I was there almost every day. Then came the sermons about how "special" we were as a church, and a movement. We warned about the "other" churches, and how we should not associate with people from the "outside" unless we had permission from the Pastor. After all, he was the overseer of our souls and had our best interest in mind. He didn't want us to stray so the music we were listening to had to be approved. Many people just threw away their TV's, and soon everyone was asking the Pastor what they could or could not do. They even had to get permission who they should date or marry. To make matters worse I was living with the people from the church, and now they knew my every movement 24/7. I once had a friend visit me, and I was rebuked by the church members that we were not to be in fellowship with people who did not attend our church. I was troubled. What was more disconcerting was the fact that strife was breaking out in a church that was so dedicated to God. I never felt so far from God in my life. I couldn't understand how I could be in church every day, and feel so far from Him. I had been caught up in legalism and not doing things out of love but out of duty. I was even told that women could not be evangelists. For years I never told a soul about Jesus. How tragic to believe such a lie.
Then one day I went to hug one of my closest friends at church. He moved away from me to avoid my hug. I thought he was playing so I attempted to hug him again. He informed me that while I was gone the Pastor had forbidden any hugging in church. I was stunned. It was then that I realized how much control the Pastor had over the church. One Sunday some church members that had been gone awhile took me aside and warned me about the Pastor. Every sign of a cult leader was beginning to emerge. I knew what they were telling me was true but I felt stuck and didn't want to leave my friends. The control and manipulation continued until one day I literally threw all of my clothes in a plastic bag and ran away in the middle of the night.
My dear friend, if you are in a similar situation or if this sounds familiar to you please note the following:
1. The Holy Spirit does not control. He leads. Be careful when anyone uses scripture to get you to obey them unconditionally or without question or uses submission as a form of manipulation. There's a difference between obeying God and man. God never forces His will on people. He wants us to obey Him out of love, not fear. Reverence and fear are different. Fear has torment.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
Romans 8:14
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
2. The Holy Spirit will never lead anyone to violate their own personal boundaries, conscience, ethics or morality. Nor will God lead anyone to cover up for someone else's sin.
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11
3. The Holy Spirit will never lead you to ignore your wife and children over the ministry. You must give equal time to your family; they are your first ministry. If you are being asked to put the needs of the church above your family's needs then there is spiritual abuse in leadership.
This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. 2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; 3 not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; 4 one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence 5 (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); 1 Timothy 3:1-5
4. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. If the Pastor is correcting you from the pulpit in front everyone then he is operating in the flesh and abusing his authority. Holy Spirit will not condemn us from the pulpit, nor will He shame us, embarrass us or belittle us. He will not abuse us verbally or threaten us. If anyone is doing this in your life then leave that situation until there has been genuine fruit and repentance. Realize this is manipulation and control. This does not apply to someone in a state of apostasy. If you are in unrepentant sin make
sure your sin will find you out and the Holy Spirit will correct you openly.And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: John 16:8
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1
5. The Holy Spirit will not tell you to separate yourself from the people you love. He will tell you to separate yourself from their sin. He will not lead you into isolation unless it is for fasting and praying. If you are being told not to talk to anyone outside your fellowship, church or group...run for the hills! If your leader is bad-mouthing others or making racial or inappropriate statements about others then they are not walking in love. Their heart is full of darkness. Also, be careful if a leader turns members against each other by playing favorites. Our loyalty should only be to Christ.
Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. 1 Corinthians 1:10
He who says he is in the light and hates his brother is in darkness until now. 1 John 2:9
6. The Holy Spirit does not have an exclusive club. He has poured out His Spirit on all flesh. Anyone that claims they have a special revelation from God is in pride. We all have equal access to God. Be careful when a person starts to make you feel inferior or incapable of hearing God for yourself or causing to question your ability to live for God outside their help and making you believe that he only anoints a certain class of people. The Holy Spirit poured himself into ALL flesh. God has ordained you, anointed you, commissioned you and empowered you. You don't need the permission of men to do what God has already commanded you to do. Neither do you need the permission of men to move in what the Holy Spirit is telling you! Yes, we need accountability and we need to have reverence towards God's leaders but never at the expense of obeying God!
"And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams." Acts 2:17
7. The Holy Spirit does not use prophecy to direct your every step. You have the mind of Christ. If you are His sheep then you hear His voice. Be careful not to become dependent upon others to hear from God for you. This is very dangerous! Many cults have been formed from supposed revelations that no one else can hear or see but them. Prophecy or spiritual gifts are no indication of whether you should trust someone. Evaluate their moral character and watch for the fruit of the Spirit in their life. Especially the fruit of love.
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
John 10:27
8. The Holy Spirit is not involved in fear-mongering to get you to obey Him. We obey God because we love Him. If someone is telling you that you will be cursed if you leave their ministry or group then you know for sure that it is time to leave and not look back. Placing curses on others because you don't obey them unconditionally is witchcraft and the spirit of Jezebel.
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. John 15:10
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
9. We follow Jesus in men and submit to God in one another. The key to submission is being submitted to God. Once the man stops following God, we stop following that man.
Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1
10. We are called to serve God not men. If a man is treating you like his personal servant then realize that the man is only interested in you as long as you are serving his personal vision. God's called us to build His Kingdom not the kingdom of men. Some of us our serving men instead of God. Jesus should be the only one sitting on the throne of your heart.
“No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.” Luke 16:13
11. The Holy Spirit never directs people to give and put themselves in debt. It is contrary to the principles of God's Word. Prophecy should not be used to direct people to how much, when, and where they should give. This is witchcraft.
Do not be one of those who shakes hands in a pledge,
One of those who is surety for debts;
27 If you have nothing with which to pay,
Why should he take away your bed from under you? Proverbs 22:26-27
12. Lastly, stop treating preachers like movie stars. They are only elected officials that God appointed to help you grow, teach you, equip you, and send you to do the work of the ministry. Learn to separate the gift or talent from the man. You will not be disappointed this way or deceived.
"Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; 3 nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; 4 and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away." 1 Peter 5:2-4
Before everyone goes running off and leaving the church... please remember to do the following:
1. Pray for your leaders. God much rather keep the church family together if possible unless there is known sexual immorality, moral failure, and or outright spiritual abuse.
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Galatians 6:1
2. Try to bring correction by using bible model. Two or three witnesses must go to leadership in the spirit of humility to talk about the church's concerns.
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17
Do not receive an accusation against an elder except from two or three witnesses. 20 Those who are sinning rebuke in the presence of all, that the rest also may fear. 1 Timothy 5:19-20
3. In extreme cases please warn those around you. In other words, don't jump ship, and not let others know the ship is sinking. This happened to me one time. I was attending a church that was heading towards a shipwreck and instead of people warning the remaining survivors they just started to disappear. That hurt me more than the moral failure of the Pastor because the other people in leadership knew but didn't bother to warn us.
This charge I commit to you, son Timothy, according to the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19 having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck.
1 Timothy 1:18-19
Please know that you are not alone.
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