Strange Things In The Bible

The following are headlines ripped from biblical history and put into today’s thinking.

All throughout church history men and women have defied science, logic and reasoning. Jesus was accused of working miracles by the power of Satan. He was accused of blasphemy and considered dangerous to the religious church of his day. What’s surprising about all of this is that we haven’t learned from history. God still moves in strange ways. Just because it's never been done before doesn't mean it's not from God. As you can see from the below list, some of the things done then were done for the first time. If anything I hope you get a good laugh as we explore the strange things done in the bible.

CPS is called in concerns with a man hearing a voice to take his only son and sacrifice him. He later tells authorities that an angel stopped him so no harm came to the young man. Genesis 22:9-12 Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. 10 And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the Angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” So he said, “Here I am.” 12 And He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.”

Ex-Murderer and fugitive claims that an angel appeared in a burning bush and told him to lead the nation. Voter confidence is at a all time low. Exodus 3:2 And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire from the midst of a bush. So he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, but the bush was not consumed. 3 Then Moses said, “I will now turn aside and see this great sight, why the bush does not burn.”

Donkey?! What the Shrek! Man of the cloth is caught delivering "intel" to politician. He claims  he was stopped when his donkey spoke to him and he saw an angel with sword drawn in hand. Numbers 22:28-32 Then the LORD opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” 29 And Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have abused me. I wish there were a sword in my hand, for now I would kill you!” 30 So the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey on which you have ridden, ever since I became yours, to this day? Was I ever disposed to do this to you?” And he said, “No.” 31 Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the Angel of the LORD standing in the way with His drawn sword in His hand; and he bowed his head and fell flat on his face. 32 And the Angel of the LORD said to him, “Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come out to stand against you, because your way is perverse before Me.

Judge Judy has nothing on this judge turned war hero. Commander of army refuses to go to battle without Judge. Controversy continues: Should women be involved in the military?
Judges 4:4 Now Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, was judging Israel at that time. 5 And she would sit under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the mountains of Ephraim. And the children of Israel came up to her for judgment. 6 Then she sent and called for Barak the son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali, and said to him, “Has not the LORD God of Israel commanded, ‘Go and deploy troops at Mount Tabor; take with you ten thousand men of the sons of Naphtali and of the sons of Zebulun; 7 and against you I will deploy Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his multitude at the River Kishon; and I will deliver him into your hand’?” 8 And Barak said to her, “If you will go with me, then I will go; but if you will not go with me, I will not go!”

King shamelessly dances in the streets in national festivities; wife is disgusted with his lack of discretion. Even his colleagues were troubled by his ballet performance. 
2 Samuel 6:14-16, 20 Then David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was wearing a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting and with the sound of the trumpet. 16 Now as the ark of the LORD came into the City of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart. 20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”

Man that says he is a prophet; lays over the top of a dead boy. Village calls local authorities in fears that child was not getting medical attention. Mom says she invited the prophet to raise her son from the dead when he died of a sudden illness. 2 Kings 4:32-34
When Elisha came into the house, there was the child, lying dead on his bed. 33 He went in therefore, shut the door behind the two of them, and prayed to the LORD. 34 And he went up and lay on the child, and put his mouth on his mouth, his eyes on his eyes, and his hands on his hands; and he stretched himself out on the child, and the flesh of the child became warm.

Man gathers crowd and walks around city for 6 days. Neighbors say it was the loud noise and trumpets that brought the walls down. Authorities are looking into charging the group with destruction of city property. Joshua 6:2-5
And the LORD said to Joshua: “See! I have given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor. 3 You shall march around the city, all you men of war; you shall go all around the city once. This you shall do six days. 4 And seven priests shall bear seven trumpets of rams’ horns before the ark. But the seventh day you shall march around the city seven times, and the priests shall blow the trumpets. 5 It shall come to pass, when they make a long blast with the ram’s horn, and when you hear the sound of the trumpet, that all the people shall shout with a great shout; then the wall of the city will fall down flat. And the people shall go up every man straight before him.”

Mad prophet warns of future doom by cooking his food over cow dung. Ezekiel 4:13-15
Then the LORD said, “So shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, where I will drive them.” 14 So I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Indeed I have never defiled myself from my youth till now; I have never eaten what died of itself or was torn by beasts, nor has abominable flesh ever come into my mouth.” 15 Then He said to me, “See, I am giving you cow dung instead of human waste, and you shall prepare your bread over it.”

Extraterrestrial sighting by local churchgoer turns out to be angelic visitors of a heavenly realm. Could this be God’s chariot? Ezekiel 10:10-13
As for their appearance, all four looked alike—as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 11 When they went, they went toward any of their four directions; they did not turn aside when they went, but followed in the direction the head was facing. They did not turn aside when they went. 12 And their whole body, with their back, their hands, their wings, and the wheels that the four had, were full of eyes all around. 13 As for the wheels, they were called in my hearing, “Wheel.”

Nice church man marries a prostitute in effort to show nation how they have departed from God. Religious leaders are not convinced. Hosea 1:2
When the LORD began to speak by Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea:

“ Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry

And children of harlotry,

For the land has committed great harlotry

By departing from the LORD.”

Religious leaders conspiracy plot to kill Man of God for healing the sick and for disturbing church services. Mark 3:1-6
 And He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a withered hand. 2 So they watched Him closely, whether He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. 3 And He said to the man who had the withered hand, “Step forward.” 4 Then He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they kept silent. 5 And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other. 6 Then the Pharisees went out and immediately plotted with the Herodians against Him, how they might destroy Him

A real fish tale: Church member pay his taxes with coin in fish’s mouth. Matthew 17:27 Nevertheless, lest we offend them, go to the sea, cast in a hook, and take the fish that comes up first. And when you have opened its mouth, you will find a piece of money; take that and give it to them for Me and you.”

Fish and Game were called to a lake after small vessel was reported going over legal catch limit. Fishermen claim no responsibility to the incident because they claimed that a preacher told them to do it. Other parties involved are still being sought for questioning.  Luke 5:4-8

When He had stopped speaking, He said to Simon, “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” ⁵ But Simon answered and said to Him, “Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net.” ⁶ And when they had done this, they caught a great number of fish, and their net was breaking. ⁷ So they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. ⁸ When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!”

Preacher spits in man’s eyes and he is healed of blindness. Officials are called in to stop medical quackery! Mark 8:23

So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. 24 And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” 25 Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.

Unmarried couple claim that an angel appeared to them to announce that they would have a virgin birth. Luke 1:26-31
Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 And having come in, the angel said to her, “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!”29 But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. 30 Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name JESUS.

Virgin gives birth to baby boy in a farm house and is showered by expensive gifts by Astrological society. Local shepherds hear hosts of angels singing on the same night. Luke 2:13-16
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 14 “ Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”15 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger.

Farmers are angered by Man of God who healed a man with Bi-Polar and Multiple Personality Disorder. They say he cast demons out of the man which caused their pigs to run and drown. Local city and religious leaders are questioning their story. Luke 8:32-34
Now a herd of many swine was feeding there on the mountain. So they begged Him that He would permit them to enter them. And He permitted them. 33 Then the demons went out of the man and entered the swine, and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the lake and drowned. 34 When those who fed them saw what had happened, they fled and told it in the city and in the country.

ATF was called to a wedding party because witnesses claim that a man ordered hired help to fill wine bottles using ordinary tap water.  They don't know how but the water was turned into the most delicious kosher wine they ever had.  The show "Shark Tank" is looking into securing a patent deal from the Maker. John 2:8-10  And He said to them, “Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.” And they took it. ⁹ When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. ¹⁰ And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!”

Crowds mock church members after they appear drunk and they are heard speaking in tongues not taught to them. Acts 2:11-14

Cretans and Arabs—we hear them speaking in our own tongues the wonderful works of God.” 12 So they were all amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, “Whatever could this mean?” 13 Others mocking said, “They are full of new wine.” 14 But Peter, standing up with the eleven, raised his voice and said to them, “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and heed my words. 15 For these are not drunk, as you suppose, since it is only the third hour of the day.

Angel appears to Jesus follower and helps him make a prison break. Friends are startled by his visit and prison authorities are questioned on their security breach.Acts 12:6,7
And when Herod was about to bring him out, that night Peter was sleeping, bound with two chains between two soldiers; and the guards before the door were keeping the prison. Now behold, an angel of the Lord stood by him, and a light shone in the prison; and he struck Peter on the side and raised him up, saying, “Arise quickly!” And his chains fell off his hands.

Long sermon kills a man that falls from window but church revival services continue until dawn. Man is later brought to life after minister first has his breakfast.Acts 20:9-12
And in a window sat a certain young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep. He was overcome by sleep; and as Paul continued speaking, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead. 10 But Paul went down, fell on him, and embracing him said, “Do not trouble yourselves, for his life is in him.” 11 Now when he had come up, had broken bread and eaten, and talked a long while, even till daybreak, he departed. 12 And they brought the young man in alive, and they were not a little comforted.

Move over Nostradamus man serving life sentence in Patmos Penitentiary claims to have seen End of the World and Apocalyptic World Events. He foretells of widespread violence, food scarcity and hard economic times. Psychiatric team has been called.  Revelations 6:3-8
When He opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, “Come and see.”  ⁴ Another horse, fiery red, went out. And it was granted to the one who sat on it to take peace from the earth, and that people should kill one another; and there was given to him a great sword. ⁵ When He opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come and see.” So I looked, and behold, a black horse, and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. ⁶ And I heard a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, “A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; and do not harm the oil and the wine.” ⁷ When He opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, “Come and see.” ⁸ So I looked, and behold, a pale horse. And the name of him who sat on it was Death, and Hades followed with him. And power was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, with hunger, with death, and by the beasts of the earth.  

Jesus freaks see visions, have dreams, hear voices from heaven, work miracles, fall into trances and even heal the sick with their shadow. Religious community has determined that this movement is not from God and just like their cult leader Jesus you are being warned to stay away from their meetings. Acts 9:10-12
Now there was a certain disciple at Damascus named Ananias; and to him the Lord said in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” 11 So the Lord said to him, “Arise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire at the house of Judas for one called Saul of Tarsus, for behold, he is praying. 12 And in a vision he has seen a man named Ananias coming in and putting his hand on him, so that he might receive his sight.”

Acts 10:9-16 The next day, as they went on their journey and drew near the city, Peter went up on the housetop to pray, about the sixth hour. 10 Then he became very hungry and wanted to eat; but while they made ready, he fell into a trance 11 and saw heaven opened and an object like a great sheet bound at the four corners, descending to him and let down to the earth.

Acts 9:3-5 As he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. 4 Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” 5 And he said, “Who are You, Lord?” Then the Lord said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Acts 14:2-3 But the unbelieving Jews stirred up the Gentiles and poisoned their minds against the brethren. 3 Therefore they stayed there a long time, speaking boldly in the Lord, who was bearing witness to the word of His grace, granting signs and wonders to be done by their hands.

Written by Jaziz Gutierrez Not to be taken or edited for other uses. Copyright 2008

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