Breaking Free from Codependency: Being Authentic

 

Codependency is a complex and often misunderstood concept. It's a relationship dynamic where one person sacrifices their own needs and desires to meet the needs of another. This dynamic is often seen in relationships where one person is an addict but can also occur in any type of relationship.

The sad thing about addiction and codependency is that they don't allow you to be authentic. Addiction is self-absorbed and it alters your personality. Codependency always tries to please others at the cost of being true to your dreams and aspirations. Addiction destroys our dreams and codependency forfeits them to make others happy. Either way, our identity is lost in both of these situations.

As long as we keep striving to make things happen on our own, we will never be able to break the cycle, be our true authentic selves, and fulfill our God-given destiny.
So, how can we break free from this cycle of codependency?

Recognize the Problem

The first step to breaking free from codependency is recognizing that there's a problem. This can, be difficult as codependency is often rooted in our fear of rejection and our need for acceptance.
Understand the Role of Fear
Codependency is rooted in the fear of man. Not being afraid of people but rather trying to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness, personal goals, dreams, and etc. When we aim at pleasing others instead of God, we make them our idols and yield our control over to them because of our own fears.

Trusting in God

Trust in God is not just about belief, but also about hope. It's about having faith that God will guide us, even in our darkest moments. When we trust in God, we are blessed and filled with hope. This trust is not passive, but active. It's about believing that God exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. When we aim at pleasing others instead of God, we make them our idols and yield our control over to them because of our own fears. By placing our trust in God, we can break free from the cycle of codependency and live a life that is true to our authentic selves.

Let Go and Let God

There's a misery to playing God in other people's lives. First, you can never get it right. You don't really know how to meet the deepest need of the human heart. That's when you choose either to allow God to step in or continue doing a lousy job playing his role. You need to step down so he can step in. This is the famous let go and let God thing everyone talks about. This is breaking codependency. You step down from your position of being God and trust Him to do his job.

Being Authentic

Breaking free from codependency means being authentic and transparent. It means letting go of the need to please others and instead focusing on pleasing God and fulfilling your own dreams and aspirations.

In conclusion, breaking free from codependency is a journey. It's a journey of self-discovery, of letting go, and of embracing your true authentic self. It's a journey that requires courage, faith, and a lot of self-love. But it's a journey worth taking.

Prayer

Father, we humbly ask you that you help us trust you and surrender the ones that we love to you. You are God and we are not. We don't know what is best for them and we can't fix them. We are going to stop compromising just to keep them happy. We command all fear of losing control to leave us now in Jesus' name! All anxiety and fear of the unknown to go in Jesus' name! We thank you now that you will take care of all our concerns the moment we let go and let you do your job.

Sobriety vs. Abstinence: A Spiritual Perspective

Introduction

In today's post, we'll explore the profound difference between abstinence and true recovery or sobriety, especially from a Christian perspective. Understanding this distinction is crucial for anyone grappling with addiction, as it can mean the difference between a life of struggle and a life of freedom.

Key Verse

But each one is tempted when he is dragged away, enticed, and baited [to commit sin] by his own [worldly] desire (lust, passion). James 1:14

Heavenly Father, we humbly approach Your throne of grace, seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance and strength as we delve into the topics of abstinence, recovery, and true sobriety. We earnestly ask for Your divine wisdom to understand these critical issues and for the strength to commit and dedicate ourselves to the path of recovery. Amen.

The Surface-Level Solution: Abstinence

Abstinence is part of the recovery process. It involves refraining from substance abuse due to negative consequences like incarceration, health issues, loss of income, or strained family relationships.

Those who abstain might still harbor thoughts of returning to their old ways. They often fantasize about going back to what they perceive as a better life. Many times abstinence causes people to be unhappy in their sobriety. Consequently, some individuals transform into what is referred to as "dry drunks," wherein their attitudes and behaviors remain unchanged. These individuals tend to exhibit anger and vent their frustrations onto others, displaying a markedly low tolerance for stressors. Unfortunately, they have yet to acquire the essential healthy coping mechanisms that accompany the process of recovery, and they have yet to address the underlying causes that led to their drinking or substance use.

The Pitfall of Relapse in Abstinence

The pitfall in abstinence during the recovery process is that willpower can only last so long. You try to convince yourself that you do not want to do it and even tell everyone else that you are done but if you at the wrong place with the wrong people you find yourself giving in. This is why having someone you can call in a time of weakness is so important. In the recovery world, we call them sponsors. Sadly, in the realm of abstinence, relapse is often seen as a total failure, leading to a return to active addiction. This can result in overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and even hopelessness. We need to remember that Jesus is the one that gets us over the finish line, not us. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 Shame may cause you to believe that your struggle with addiction is your identity. It is not your identity it is only your struggle to surrender something that you still think you want deep down inside.

Whatever you do, don’t hide from God run to him.
The Lord is near to the heartbroken And He saves those who are crushed in spirit (contrite in heart, truly sorry for their sin) Psalm 34:18

The Deeper Solution: Recovery and Sobriety

In sobriety, there's an immediate return to accountability. Humility and surrender are keys in all recovery scenarios. This often involves soul searching to eliminate the cause of relapse, taking inventory, and making amends with loved ones. Abstinence is a necessary step for recovery, but true recovery involves a change in how you perceive addiction.

In recovery, you see addiction not as a lost friend whose enjoyment you miss, but as a harmful, life-threatening enemy. You take proactive steps, deepening your love for God, practicing a reverential fear of God, and being thankful for everything He has given you. You make meaningful relationships with other people active in their recovery.

The Joy of True Sobriety

In true sobriety, you do what's necessary to have true contentment and joy. You change what you find joy in. Instead of yearning for what harms you, you hate those former vices, properly assessing them as having devastating consequences and destroying your cherished relationships.

The Importance of Motive and Community

It's essential to deeply consider your heart's desire for true recovery and a renewed life. What is the "why" behind your life? Are you only seeking sobriety because you have run out of options or because you feel forced into it? You need to want to leave behind everything and everyone to follow Christ. A recovery program is effective only if you are committed to it. Like they say, it only works if you are working it.

A Final Warning

If you struggle with addiction, please take it very seriously. Understand that it is a killer, not only of lives but also of families. It too often causes subsequent generations to follow in your footsteps. Oftentimes you hear about recovering addicts burying their children who followed their parents' example. You don't want this to be your story. Take courage and please remember that everyone's recovery process is unique, so find something that works for you. Don't hesitate, as waiting might mean it's too late.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we earnestly seek Your guidance in applying the lessons we've learned today about abstinence, recovery, and true sobriety. We ask for Your divine help in application and for the strength to resist the temptations of evil spirits that lure us back to destruction. We bind their operation over our minds, will, and emotions in Jesus' name! We command their influence to let go of us and for the Holy Spirit to empower us for victorious living. May we live lives blessed by these truths and be free from the lies that bind us. In Jesus' name Amen.

Written by Jaziz Gutierrez

All Rights Reserved 08/28/23

Addiction: The Illusion of Liberty

One of the biggest lies of the enemy is believing that liberty means living for ourselves and doing what we want to do. From the beginning of time, Satan has tempted mankind to take the same route as he did and so we can become our own masters. Like he told Adam and Eve, 'you shall be like gods.' Just like he did when he said, 'For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north.' (Isaiah 14:13) Satan did indeed become his own master to sit on his own throne in hell. Separated from love, light, peace, and a life without God. Like they say, misery loves company. Believe me when I tell you that the devil wants your company.

The Kingdom of Darkness is always promising liberty to those who still want to be in control of their lives. The truth is the solicitors from hell know that the moment we take their offer we come under the bondage and slavery of whatever we yielded to. They seduce and deceive us to be, 'Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.' The word heady means to fall headlong by being reckless. The word highminded means to be blinded with pride. Pride is the devil's ticket into our lives. If he can convince us that we know better than God then he convinces us to become gods over our own lives. What he doesn't tell us is that we become his slaves the moment we do. There are only two masters in this world: Yahweh or Satan. There is no middle category. We are either servants of God or servants of the devil. Jesus said, 'No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and ?.' (Luke 16:13) You fill in the blank.

Today you have a choice. Are you going to serve self, and your fleshly desires so you become Satan's slave or will you serve Jesus and become his servant, fully surrendered to do His will? Who are you going to yield your life to?

In the context of addiction and codependency, this choice becomes even more critical. Addiction and codependency are forms of bondage, where we become slaves to our desires or to the desires of others. They rob us of our true identity and prevent us from living our God-given destiny. As the scripture says, 'While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.' (2 Peter 2:19)

Breaking free from the cycle of addiction and codependency is a multi-step process. It begins with acknowledging the existence of a problem. This is followed by understanding the role fear plays in our lives, often acting as a driving force behind our unhealthy behaviors.

Next, we must place our trust in God, believing in His power to heal and transform us. This involves surrendering control, a concept often referred to as 'letting go and letting God.' It's about releasing our tight grip on our lives and allowing God to guide us.

Being authentic about our struggles is another crucial step. It's about being honest with ourselves and others about our experiences, feelings, and the challenges we face. It's about removing the masks we wear and revealing our true selves.

The journey also involves soul searching and taking a fearless inventory of our lives. This means examining our past decisions, understanding why we made them, and acknowledging their impact on our lives.

This journey isn't easy. It requires courage to face our fears and shortcomings, faith to believe in a power greater than ourselves, and a lot of self-love to nurture our wounded spirits. But despite its challenges, this journey is worth taking. It's a path to freedom, healing, and a more authentic life.

So, who are you yielding your life to today?"

Is Your Foundation Strong?

"And the rain fell, and the floods and torrents came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a foolish (stupid) man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods and torrents came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house, and it fell—and great and complete was its fall.” Matthew 7:25-27 Why did the house fall? Because the foundation wasn't right. The building wasn't built right. If your foundation was not built on repentance then your building will fall. If you aren't rooted in love your house will come down. If you have some devils your house will come down. If your mind is not renewed your house will be shaky and you will feel the impact of the winds and waves. Listen it's time our houses get inspected for structural integrity. Having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the [chief] Cornerstone, 21 in whom the whole structure is joined together, and it continues [to increase] growing into a holy temple in the Lord [a sanctuary dedicated, set apart, and sacred to the presence of the Lord]. Ephesians 2:20-21 Saying a prayer and incorporating Jesus into your life is not repentance. Going to church is not repentance, Feeling bad for your sins is not repentance. Repentance is conviction that leads to change and surrendering to God. It is deciding to lose your life for His sake. It is denying yourself, picking up your cross to follow Him. It is giving up control! Changing your mind about sin and hating it! It's time for inspection church because the wind and waves will increase and your house needs to be  built right to stand! Jaziz Gutierrez

What it means to be born again

You must be dead in Christ to be born again. If you left the waters of baptism and continued to live for you then you never died in that water. You only went to a pool party. Death to self requires surrendering ALL to Jesus. The excuses stop, the justification stops, the rationalization stops, and the poor me stops. The Bible says that in the Last Days people will have "a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies their claim of faith]. Avoid such people and keep far away from them." 2 Timothy 3:5 Repentance lays the ax to the root of sin and uproots the tree. Sin loses all dominion. We become free from sin when we are dead in Christ. A true born again believer hates their sin and wants nothing more than to make Jesus happy. The problem with so many people is that we still want to sin and play church. This is apostasy. After a while, because you have been playing games with God for so long you start believing the lies you tell yourself. This is called a delusion. You start living in a false reality to maintain an outward appearance of being religious for the purpose of acceptance without realizing that our lives must be approved of God. If you are living a double life I'm calling you to repentance. You will not inherit the kingdom of God while living in sin. Please understand, "sexual immorality and all [moral] impurity [indecent, offensive behavior] or greed must not even be hinted at among you, as is proper among saints [for as believers our way of life, whether in public or in private, reflects the validity of our faith]. 4 Let there be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse [obscene or vulgar] joking, because such things are not appropriate [for believers]; but instead speak of your thankfulness [to God]. 5 For be sure of this: no immoral, impure, or greedy person—for that one is [in effect] an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God [for such a person places a higher value on something other than God]. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty arguments [that encourage you to sin], for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience [those who habitually sin]. 7 So do not participate or even associate with them [in the rebelliousness of sin]." Ephesians 5:3-7 For more on what repentance is or looks like please message me and I will give you a checklist. Love in Christ, Jaziz Gutierrez

Fear Causes Pain

Fear causes PAIN! Fear is a lie and a spirit that talks in our ears to tell us, God, does not care nor will he do anything about our problems. We must cast down that argument and speak the truth of God's love in our situation. He does love us and he wants the best for us. Sometimes he has to work a little harder because of the mess we get ourselves in. Nonetheless, he is always actively working behind the scenes to turn our situation around to glorify him despite us. We can rely or count on our Father to be there for us. For those of us who had flaky dads, we need to stop seeing God through the failure of the parental figures in our lives. Amen?

God is faithful [He is reliable, trustworthy and ever true to His promise—He can be depended on], and through Him, you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:9 Jaziz Gutierrez

Prophetic Word: Repair the Broken Altars

After Elijah confronted the false prophets of Baal, the Bible says that he rebuilt the broken altar. “Then Elijah called to the people, ‘Come over here!’ They all crowded around him as he repaired the altar of the Lord that had been torn down. 31 He took twelve stones, one to represent each of the tribes of Israel, 32 and he used the stones to rebuild the altar in the name of the Lord.” (1 Kings 18:30-32) He later went on to say why he did this, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets.” (1 Kings 19:10)

I hear the Lord say it is time to repair the broken altars. They are broken in the church, homes, and nation. You have altars erected in the name of other gods. You have tried to kill the prophets and silence the voice of truth, but you will hear me, for I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will not compete with your idols. If you want fire, you must repair the altars first. Instead of your devotional time in front of the TV and your media devices, it is time to devote that time to Me. Your children do not know how to worship Me, nor do they know My ways. They grope around in the darkness and don’t even know who they are. Your  identity can only be found in Me. Just like Elijah, the altars of the family must be rebuilt first. Your house must become a house of prayer.

The altars in my church must be rebuilt. Entertainment has replaced true worship. Consecrated men and women have been replaced by game show hosts. They don’t host my presence, nor do they know my ways. You have allowed temple prostitutes, false prophets, and perversion into my church. Your Pastors and Teachers have followed after the ways of Balaam. They will have no part in my Kingdom. They have led my people astray, and they will carry a heavier judgment. They have prepared Jezebel’s table and have given my people food sacrificed to idols: the idols of entertainment, worldly lusts, covetousness, greed, and pride of life. They cleverly disguised their wolf appetites behind scripture, all the while devouring the sheep.

The altars in this nation must be rebuilt. This nation was founded by people who sincerely wanted to seek Me, so I blessed them. Now you have taken away from the children My word and prayer from schools just to allow men with perverse agendas to corrupt their innocence. I will judge this and place millstones around the necks of those who hurt my little ones. You defend the guilty and persecute those who stand up for righteousness. As the prophet Isaiah said,

“Why do you continue to invite punishment?
    Must you rebel forever?
Your head is injured,
    and your heart is sick. Isaiah 1:5

You have erected altars to Molech and sacrificed your children by aborting them. You have erected altars to Mammon and given of your money to gambling. You have erected altars to Dagon and worship material wealth and work of your hands. You have erected altars to Baal and pridefully celebrate how you have broken your covenant with me by living in sexual immorality and perversion. You have mistaken my mercy as complacency. “And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment.” (Jude 1:7) And I did not spare the ancient world—except for Noah and the seven others in his family. Noah warned the world of My righteous judgment. So I protected Noah when I destroyed the world of ungodly people with a vast flood. (2 Peter 2:5) The rainbows you wave in My face are not a promise I will keep with those who destroy purity in innocent hearts.

Yet the most enormous altar erected in your homes, churches, and this nation are the ones you have erected to yourselves. You have made yourselves gods. Wanting the worship of others, you break my commandments and teach false things to my people. You spend hours on media devices trying to find ways to get the adulation and adoration of men. You have become lovers of self instead of lovers of Yahweh. You make laws that go against My commandments just to stay in positions of power for the purpose of placating the Jezebels who manipulate you. All the while, she castrates you so you can become  weak and powerless men. You have nothing to be proud of but should see how wretched, blind, and poor you are. Yes, you would need to buy of me gold purified in the fire to repair these altars. You will either suffer the affliction of persecution that refines you or suffer the affliction that comes from disobedience and idolatry.
It is time to choose this day whom you will serve. Repair the broken altars and bring a worthy sacrifice. I am the Lord.