Authenticity is the key to unlocking your true self, staying true to your personality, values, and spirit, irrespective of external pressures urging you to act otherwise. It's about being honest with both yourself and others while taking responsibility for your mistakes. It is also the key to R.E.A.L connection and love.
Unfortunately, we create a false self because we were never accepted for who we were as children. We could never measure up or feel worthy enough to feel loved. Many of us constructed a false self as a defense mechanism, shaped by childhood experiences where acceptance was elusive. Feeling unworthy of love, we often conceal our true selves behind a facade of pride to mask shame, fear, and rejection. In the process, we inadvertently push away those who genuinely care for us.The unmet needs of our childhood led us to find other ways to get those needs met such as manipulation, intimidation, domination, seduction, self-pity, and a host of other controlling behaviors. We often mimic what we see at home and when getting our way becomes our end goal; we end up creating a false self to get what we want. The desire for love and acceptance drives the false self. Consequently, we live inauthentically, failing to meet the imaginary standards set by others or ourselves, leading to a build-up of shame and anger.
The repercussions of this lack of self-love manifest in patterns of self-sabotage, self-hatred, and destructive behaviors, hindering our ability to have genuine love and compassion for others. Our needs getting met takes priority over others. We only say or do what they want to hear. We are in survival mode. We often become oblivious to the casualties of our actions.
Is there a better way? Absolutely! Here are steps to guide you toward authenticity:
Trust in God: Rely on God to meet your needs; unlike unreliable or absent parents, He is steadfast and reliable. There is no need to manage things on your own.
Release Fear: Authentic love cannot coexist with fear. Let go of fear-driven controlling behaviors that drive people away. Realize your fear suffocates people and they deserve to breathe. Fear kills relationships this way.
Recognize Unconditional Love: Realize that you are already loved and accepted by God; there's no need to fake it until you make it. Love out of the revelation and overflow of being loved.
Prioritize Others: Prioritize loving people over getting what you want from them. All narcissistic behaviors are rooted in the "me" first mindset. While you might get what you want on a short-term basis you are robbing yourself of authentic love and relationships because people are eventually put off by this behavior.
Let go of Pride: Shed the barriers of pride preventing you from becoming your authentic self. No longer use pride as a defense mechanism that fends off people from your wounded self.
Release Shame: Don't allow accusatory thoughts to keep you in self-destructive patterns. You are not your behavior.
Relinquish Control: Trust in God's process and commit your ways to Him, allowing Him to manage the relationships in your life.
Heal Inner Wounds: Address the wounds that fuel inner chaos, rejection, and insecurity. Don't bleed on people just because you haven't taken the time to heal.
Abandon Retaliation: Refrain from hurting others in response to their actions; let God be the ultimate defender. Learn to be a safe person that people can feel comfortable being around.
Avoid Excuses: Take responsibility for your actions, and don't make excuses for bad behavior. Real people have real problems and they take responsibility for what they do. Blaming others disempowers you and keeps you in a victim mindset.
Seek Self-Discovery: Allow God to guide you in discovering your true self, understanding that self-love is a journey. You are worth the effort and the love.
Stick to Values: Adhere to your values and convictions, ensuring they align with true biblical values such as love, humility, and Christ-like character.
The end result of embracing authenticity is self-love, a powerful force that, in turn, enables love for others. By prioritizing genuine connections, we pave the way for mutual love and the fulfillment of our needs in legitimate ways. Embrace authenticity, and you'll find yourself on the path to R.E.A.L connection: Respect, Encouragement, Acceptance, and Love. ✨️ When you're real, you get R.E.A.L. love.
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